With Valentine’s Day, love is in the air, and dating in high school is harder than ever. Fortunately, junior Laurel Barber and senior Luke Barber have great advice for high school Romeos and Juliets.
I’m an upperclassman. Should I date an underclassman?
Laurel: I say go for it. If you are happy, then stay happy. Dating an older guy is what some people are used to but dating someone younger doesn’t really matter. It’s 2019 — do you boo.
Luke: If you’re an upperclassman that means you’re probably around 17 or 18 years old. In the state of Kansas the legal age of consent is 16. Why date an underclassman when you can date an elderly billionaire. Think about it, you have college coming soon and we’re all broke. College tuition to an elderly billionaire is pennies on the hundred dollar bill.
How many zip codes apart should I keep my boyfriends?
Laurel: With social media it’s super easy to find out who is talking to who. So stick to one boyfriend at a time and if you aren’t feeling it, just break up. From the beginning set clear expectations of what you want out of the relationship and if you even want a relationship.
Luke: That’s an easy one, don’t. And by don’t, I mean have lots of boyfriends in the same zip code. Have you ever seen those tv shows where people have multiple wives? Just do that but with boyfriends. Make them awkwardly compete for your affection under the guise that they are okay with it.
How much PDA is too much PDA?
Laurel: Holding hands and a cute little 3-second hug are the only acceptable PDA. Kissing in the classroom, commons or at school is gross. No one wants to see you kiss your significant other in front of everyone. It’s more acceptable if you aren’t at school and you give them a little peck of a kiss — as long as it isn’t at a super inconvenient or uncomfortable time for people around you. Don’t kiss at church, in the middle of a grocery store or at a restaurant. It’s okay to kiss in the park. Just don’t scare little kids.
Luke: Any touching is immoral. Don’t do it. You think other people want to see you making goo goo eyes at someone? No they don’t. In fact you should do the very opposite. If you are dating someone in school you should actively try to make people think that you dislike them. Constantly make fun of them. Constantly annoy them. Do whatever it takes to make sure people think you don’t like them.
What is a good Valentine’s Day gift for my HS boyfriend or girlfriend?
Laurel: It depends… if you have been in an exclusive relationship for only a couple of months, you should get them something meaningful but less than $20. Get them some like candy and maybe a nice dinner at McDonald’s. If you have been together for multiple years than you can most definitely go a little bit more crazy. Maybe like $50 on a fine piece of jewelry.
Luke: Immortality. It’s understandable that everyone’s main and sometimes only fear is death. So free them from them from their mortal worries. There are plenty of ways to gain immortality just buy a voodoo cookbook or something and get cracking. Not that hard in my opinion.
Is Valentine’s day a good day to ask someone out for the first time?
Laurel: Valentine’s Day is one of the worst days to ever ask someone out on a first date — right next to New Year’s Day. It’s awful to ask someone out because you are lonely. It’s Valentine’s Day. You are in high school. It’s okay to be single. Everyone has been in your shoes. Just go to DG and get someone ice cream and watch some funny movies.
Luke: Yes. Everyone thinks “oh no one’s going to ask me out I’m a major uggo so today’s going to be fine I’ll just be lonely like always”. But no, here you come guns blazing. Ask them out and it will surprise them so much that they’ll pass out on the spot. At that point you take all the cash from their wallet. They’ll be so happy they have a date they won’t even notice the missing cash when they wake up.
— Laurel Barber, Luke Barber