Investigation fails to link junior Dan Flach to collusion with Russia

After an extensive investigation that spanned several months, WHS administrators have finally completed their investigation of Russian Collusion with junior Dan Flach.

Flach stood accused of colluding with Russian hackers to plagiarize a book report on “All Quiet on the Western Front.”

While the full report on the investigation has not been made available to the public, administrators released a 4-page summary of their findings Friday evening.

“While we were not able to prove collusion beyond reasonable doubt, the report does not exonerate Flach.

Flach released a triumphant statement on Twitter Saturday morning. “No Collusion, No Obstruction, Complete and Total EXONERATION. KEEP Wabaunsee GREAT!” Flach said.

Flach has criticized the investigation for months. “The Fake News Media has lost tremendous credibility with its corrupt coverage of the illegal English department Witch Hunt,” Flach said.

While the investigation was unable to pin anything to Flach, several detentions have resulted from the process. Flach adviser Bryce Tharman was caught meeting with Russian intelligence officers near the Alma water towers. He was negotiating access to Russian Sparknotes and a copy of the DVD version of the story. Unfortunately, investigators were not able to prove Flach’s knowledge of the meeting.

Flach criticized the WHS Charger for its coverage of the investigation. “The Mainstream Media is under fire and being scorned all over the World as being corrupt and FAKE. For two years they pushed the Russian Collusion Delusion when they always knew there was No Collusion. They truly are the Enemy of the People and the Real Opposition Party!” Flach said.

Happy April Fools Day from the Charger!

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