WHS to enforce strict dress code during Prom

Lauren Schutter | sports editor

“Every year prom rolls around, and every year we take a step further from decency,” a group of worried citizens announced this week.

Following a concern raised by a parent with 10 friends on Facebook, the community immediately sprung to action. The Alma City K.A.R.E.N.S. committee (Kids Attire Regulators Enforcing New Sanctions) met last Friday to discuss indecent prom apparel.

“Prom dresses – or should I say prom skivvies – distract our precious male population from busting a move respectfully,” one parent said.

“All this indecency… it haunts me. How am I supposed to dance in these conditions?” said male student Justin Carlson.

After the 5-hour meeting, the committee brought forth several new regulations for girls attending prom:

1. Dresses must include sleeves that cover the entire arm, and gloves must be included.
2. Skirts of the dress must reach past the feet, so there is no chance that the “dogs” will make it to the front yard.
3. No makeup is allowed.
4. No jewelry, as it can jangle and make sounds that would distract males just trying to focus on the educational event.
5. Bonnets must be worn to cover hair. Schools in the 1800s had it right.

The committee also debated regulations for male students, but decided that this would be a demeaning decision that takes away the control that boys have over their own bodies.

USD 329 prom organizers agreed to the proposed regulations. “I’m just so tired of the emails. We’ll do whatever they want,” prom sponsor Miriam Barton said.

April fools! Enjoy satire from the Charger throughout the day.