Alderman cutting 3-minute quizzes to 2.5 minutes

Math teacher Roger Alderman announced plans Monday to reduce the 3-minute quiz to 2.5-minute quiz following schedule changes next year.

With the news of the impending schedule change, math teacher Roger Alderman has announced that he will be amending the infamous 3 minute quiz policy to account for the shorter periods of the 21 class schedule.

Alderman hopes to effectively save time in class with the shorter quizzes. “I’m all about efficiency, and by cutting thirty seconds off I hope to increase the amount of work done in class,” Alderman said.

Happy April Fools from the Charger!

Investigation fails to link junior Dan Flach to collusion with Russia

After an extensive investigation that spanned several months, WHS administrators have finally completed their investigation of Russian Collusion with junior Dan Flach.

Flach stood accused of colluding with Russian hackers to plagiarize a book report on “All Quiet on the Western Front.”

While the full report on the investigation has not been made available to the public, administrators released a 4-page summary of their findings Friday evening.

“While we were not able to prove collusion beyond reasonable doubt, the report does not exonerate Flach.

Flach released a triumphant statement on Twitter Saturday morning. “No Collusion, No Obstruction, Complete and Total EXONERATION. KEEP Wabaunsee GREAT!” Flach said.

Flach has criticized the investigation for months. “The Fake News Media has lost tremendous credibility with its corrupt coverage of the illegal English department Witch Hunt,” Flach said.

While the investigation was unable to pin anything to Flach, several detentions have resulted from the process. Flach adviser Bryce Tharman was caught meeting with Russian intelligence officers near the Alma water towers. He was negotiating access to Russian Sparknotes and a copy of the DVD version of the story. Unfortunately, investigators were not able to prove Flach’s knowledge of the meeting.

Flach criticized the WHS Charger for its coverage of the investigation. “The Mainstream Media is under fire and being scorned all over the World as being corrupt and FAKE. For two years they pushed the Russian Collusion Delusion when they always knew there was No Collusion. They truly are the Enemy of the People and the Real Opposition Party!” Flach said.

Happy April Fools Day from the Charger!

Wabaunsee to cut all sports to fund building repairs

Wabaunsee has been struggling for many years with many different maintenance problems around the school. Some include holes in ceiling, broken boilers and a broken awning.

As a solution, USD 329 decided to cut all sports from the school district to fund required maintenance. Board members argued that the educational growth of the students was more important than athletics.

Between the money from buses, coaches, uniforms and hiring officials, the school anticipates a savings of about  $1,300.

“This is really great. Reading is why I am here, I love not having the distractions of sports,” junior Hannah Mumpower said.

The students will have more time to take on different clubs and activities offered by the school. Students can now take poetry reading, attend more choir and band rehearsals and meet new friends.

“I will miss going to volleyball games but I’m more excited to see poetry readings and more concerts,” parent Angie Barber said.

— Laurel Barber, @Lawl_e_20

 

Happy April Fools Day from the Charger!

Wabaunsee to change Charger mascot to Watusi

The USD 329 board is bored of Charlie the Charger.

A group of concerned community members addressed the board last week, arguing that the Charger logo was little more than a blue mustang. They also expressed concern that the Charger, typically a war horse, was too violent a mascot for the peaceful Wabaunsee community.

The board members discussed several options including anteaters, whales, worms and waterfowl. After more than seven hours of debate, the board voted 7-0 to adapt the new mascot: the Watusi.

Watusi Design
The new WHS logo will appear on football helmets and uniforms next season.

 

A watusi is a breed of domestic cattle characterized by very large horns. Watusis tend to stick together along with being an active and social species. The board gravitated towards the animal because its characteristics represent Wabaunsee’s students well.

“I think a watusi is an odd choice for a mascot, especially since I’ve never heard of one, but it makes our school different and I think that’s cool,” freshman Brayden Meseke said.

Not only is the Watusi an animal, but was also a popular dance move in the 1960s. The board members thought this was a plus because the cheerleaders could now do the dance while the pep band plays “Wah-Watusi” by the Orlans to pump up the crowd.

“I always liked dancing to “School Spirit”, but I think this change will be good and make our school unique,” junior Jordan Magette said.

FFA adviser Danny Davis is excited to begin raising Watusis as a school project. “If they graze on the practice field we can also save on mowing costs,” Davis said.

To change the mascot many modifications will be needed around the district, but the board is aware of the cost for these modifications. To do so small funding cuts will be made throughout the summer before the start of the school year.

— Kaytlyn Meseke, @Kaytlyn_nelle

 

Happy April Fools Day from the Charger!

WHS prom to provide drama counselors

Due to excessive conflict between students in previous years, drama counselors will be on standby at the Wabaunsee High School prom next weekend.

Between strenuously searching for the perfect dress, competing to snag a date and worrying about whether your crush will dance with someone else, prom season is a time of constant anxiety and anger, which has led to some relatively traumatic experiences in the past.

According to numerous studies cited on Instagram, a student’s mental health suffers due to the drama associated with prom night, or “proma.” The Junior prom committee has reached a solution.

Students at prom this year will have access to counseling to help them deal with any traumatizing proma.

“We’ve seen firsthand how mortifying prom can be. We hope that providing students with on-site counseling will reduce some of the long-term effects proma can have,” junior Kaytlyn Meseke said.

Sophomore Karlee Feyh, who attended Prom 2018 with senior Jarett Bolinder, is still recovering from last year’s proma. Jarett, who was sick on prom night, showed up in a suit covered in dollar bills. The entire way there, he blasted “Elvira” by The Oak Ridge Boys on a loop. During the pictures, he refused to take any with her. He just took them of himself in his money suit, and the ones Karlee’s family took, he cropped her out of.  It was pouring rain that day, so, like a gentleman, he brought an umbrella. However, he needed all of it to protect his precious suit, so she just stood there, sopping wet.

“I’ve had nightmares about that day. He even had the audacity to eat his pasta with a salad fork. Every time a see an umbrella or hear a country song, I have panic attacks I really think I could have benefited from having some sort of support system there. Proma? More like trauma,” she said.

— Kendyl Bolinder, @BolinderKendyl

Happy April Fools day from the Charger!

Chicken Pattys to be served every day at WHS

Students have voiced concerns about lunches since August, and the school is finally taking action to improve the dining options at WHS.

Starting April 1, a chicken patty or spicy chicken patty will be served every day for lunch.

“Chicken patties are chosen every week which shows the student’s interest,” school delicioness consultant Chef Boyardee said.

The change will extend to first and second lunch as well as side options. Example changes include chicken and waffles being chicken patty on chicken patty, mashed potatoes being mashed chicken patty, pancakes with syrup will be chicken patty with syrup and so on.

“I just love chicken patties,” senior Luke Barber said. “It is like a dream come true.”

An exception will be made on Fridays where a single head of lettuce will be served. “It is what will complete the chicken patty in a vegetable food pyramid,” USD 329 nutritionist Diane Breiner said.

This change is believed to reduce cost of operating and storage. Fridges will be replaced with larger freezers to accommodate the increase in chicken patty usauge. A rotating circular chicken patty fryer will be installed to take away the need of transporting cooked chicken patties.

“I have to get a fryer for home,” senior Dillon Spellman said. “It could be a wonderful disc display and could be used to cook those delicious circular chicken concoctions.”

A chicken patty was asked to comment on the change but was promptly eaten by a bystander who couldn’t resist the urge. A spicy chicken patty was also asked but declined after a series of very spicy comments.   

— Sean Dugger, @seanduggre01

 

Happy April Fools day from the Charger!

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